


i'll marry the first person i see, i swear

by xxELF21xx



Series: i think i wanna marry you [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), Super Sons (Comics), Superman (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bruce Wayne is a Good Dad, Crack, Damian this is why we say "think before you speak", Dick The Matchmaker (TM), I'm Writing This As I Wait for Supersons #4, Inappropriate Use of Italics, Jason The Matchmaker (TM), Largely Inspired by Virus & Nike, M/M, Mentioned Jason/Roy, Minor Character(s), My First Work in This Fandom, Not Canon Compliant, Tim The Matchmaker (TM), bruce is so done, mentioned TimKon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 11:31:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10920933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxELF21xx/pseuds/xxELF21xx
Summary: It was a "spur of the moment" thing, Damian swore, but he was sodonewith everyone else trying to pair him up with someone he'd up and shouted: 'I'll marry the first person I see, Iswear.'





	i'll marry the first person i see, i swear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NikeScaret](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikeScaret/gifts), [VirusZeref](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VirusZeref/gifts).



> I'm new to the fandom, I'm new to DC, I've always been more of a Marvel fan. But until Marvel solves their bullshit and ends the Hydra whishwash, I'll stick around here for Supersons.
> 
> Please do leave me a few comments!! Big shoutout to Nike and Virus for getting me hooked onto this pairing though;)

The day was going  _swimmingly well,_ that is, until Tim knocked over the vase in the corridor and frightened Titus. The dog then proceeded to run into Father, and that was Damian knew they were  _screwed._

Bruce hardly looked at either of his wayward children, instead, he beckoned for Titus to follow him and gave his children a warning over his shoulder, 'if that vase is not disposed of and replaced before lunch, I'm making your tutoring sessions twice as long.  _All of you.'_ Loud cries of "Bruce, no!" were ignored as Bruce returned to his own room.

'What does he mean by "tutoring sessions"? I've already  _graduated_ university!' Dick fell dramatically to the floor, his face inches away from the shards of porcelain. Jason snorted, 'I'm heading to the library, bye.' Which left a very distressed Tim and angered Damian to deal with the vase. Lord knew Jason didn't actually mind longer tutoring sessions,  _if he even bothered attending them in the first place._ 'I'm  _currently_ attending Gotham's finest university, I can do this! I can find an 18th century vase by an unknown potter, which cost more than my life. But I can replace it, would Bruce mind if I used his credit card for it? Wait, did he say  _extra tutoring sessions?_ Bruce! I'm in  _university,_ I don't need extra tutoring?' Tim's mutterings only grew louder in volume when he started to tap viciously on his iPad, Damian merely sighed, kicked Dick out of the way, and started to pick up the pieces by himself.

One day, he thinks, I'm going to be driven bald by these people. Dick - kind, thoughtful, graceful, amazing, gentleman Dick - sat up and helped Damian as well, before Alfred hurried along and swept the broken pieces away. Tim was still muttering to himself. 'If it will help you, Master Tim,' Alfred hums, 'the potter was Chinese.' Tim whips his head to Alfred, and his empty eyes shine bright for about three seconds before they die again, 'thanks, Alfred,' he whimpers. 

The day was going  _well enough._

+

Lunch was a dread.

Father hadn't said a word since he sat down, nobody touched their food, Titus was not near the table to provide a distraction, none of Damian's animals were there, Jason was missing, and Tim was delusional. 

'Richard,' Father broke the silence, 'call Jason back immediately.' Dick does so instantly, and Damian wondered why he didn't leave with Todd a few hours ago. 'Tim, stop chanting and eat.' Tim shuts up, miraculously, the  _"I go to university"_ chant has disappeared and Damian could see the sky again. Dick ends his call and states that Jason is "12 minutes from home, Bruce", and everyone tucks in. 

Jason is halfway through his third helping of mushroom soup - his newest craving, it would seem - when he perks up and peers at Damian. 'What,' Damian huffs, tempted to flick some jelly into Todd's hair. 'I was just wondering,' the second eldest drawls, his soup now abandoned, 'what are your opinions on redheads?' Damian stares pointedly at Todd, head cocked to a side, 'why?' 

They were now entering dangerous territory. 

'Oh, I was just, y'know,  _curious.'_ Jason smirks, and Tim seemed to have caught on, because he stops inhaling his bread like a barbarian and gives a 1000 watt smile, usually reserved for public appearances. 'Oh yeah! I know a certain someone who's a good friend of mine! She's a redhead, too!'  _Curse you, Drake._ 'Hm? Dami has a thing for redheads? Well, why didn't you tell me that sooner? I'm pretty sure Kori mentioned that she has a cousin that she would like to introduce to you? Her cousin's a redhead too, I think.' Damian's cool composure breaks when the idiot Grayson decided to chip in as well. Father seemed interested in the subject himself. 'Is there anything you would like to say, Damian?' 

'Actually,  _yes._ Stop meddling with my non-existent love life. Have a good lunch,' Damian retorts, leaving the three idiots frowning forlornly at their meals. 

Little did he know that his was just the beginning of his torture.

+

Growing up in Arabia, he did not fully understand American cultural norms. Things like PDA, jokes and the like were not tolerated in his grandfather's court. In the Wayne Manor, however, it is. 

Damian merely walked past Jason as the older boy continued to kiss his lover against the wall. Isn't that painful? He grimaced. But before he could escape, Jason grabbed Damian's wrist, before dragging both him and his lover into the lounge. 'Wait, are you proposing a threesome with your little brother?' Jason's boyfriend (Damian refuses to think of his name) asks, eyes crinkling in amusement. Jason practically recoils his grip on his boyfriend and traps Damian in what Cassandra calls "The Wayne Hug" - it's like a bear hug, but more protective and primal. 'I'm _not_ going to allow _my_ little brother to have sex with the likes of _you._ Ew, Roy.' Jason finishes lamely, and Roy can only laugh, collapsed on the floor.

Damian remains unamused in Jason's embrace. Jason maneuvers Damian onto the couch, then he drags a still giggly Roy onto the couch opposite Damian.

 And then he sticks his hands into Roy's  _pants._

 _'Todd!'_ Damian all but screeches, shielding his eyes from the gross scene in front of him. 'Huh? Wha-  _Damian no, I'm not going to fucking jack Roy off with_ you _watching, what the fuck man.'_ Once assured of that fact, Damian slowly inches his hands away, and thankfully, Jason wasn't lying. Instead, Jason has a photo album in his hands, and Roy was blushing a deep red, to match his equally red hair. 

'What is that?' Damian asks, ignoring the fact that Father seemed to have found his way into the lounge. 'This,' Jason cackles - then chokes for about a minute - 'is your love life.'

Damian runs away so fast he'll bet his grandfather's empire that even  _Wally_ can't catch up to him. 

+

Dick is next. 

Damian was having a pleasant time discussing the pros and cons of the Green Revolution with Maya over the phone when Dick comes along, signalling for him to end the call, and pull him into the lounge. 

'What do you want, Grayson.' Dick only grins in response, and the youngest Wayne is left to watch the first Boy Wonder fiddle with the projector set before tying Damian into the couch. 'Wha- Grayson! Let me go this instance!' Dick tutts him, and says simply, 'just watch the video, Damian!'

Damian experienced what it felt like to be given the Talk by a smug Grayson, and a whole load of unnecessary pictures and crude drawings. Father finds him shaken up, shriveled and dead on the couch three hours later, with Grayson's presentation of "How To Have Safe Sex: Module II" a third way finished.

Damian thinks he may have seen Hell, and spends the next three weeks watching _Danny Phantom_ on repeat to wipe out the horrendous images of Grayson explaining how different child deterrents work. 

Damian also avoids Grayson like the plague, and only started to talk to him once again when Father demanded Grayson apologise.

+

The young Wayne learnt that the lounge was a dangerous place, and refused to stay in it with either of his brothers. However, the last time someone tried to set him up with someone, it was in a restaurant.

To be fair though, Dick didn't really _pair_ him up with anyone. He only left subtle messages - like names and pictures - whenever Damian was around. But that meant that Dick was still considered guilty. 

They were seated in a relatively deserted restaurant that day, mindlessly chattering about Tim's "Mysterious Boyfriend" - to Tim's obvious discomfort - when Tim suddenly jumped Damian and pressed a gun to his skull, metaphorically. 'Wait, are we not gonna talk about Demon brat's love life? I mean, it's high time he started to date someone. He can't be a bachelor  _forever.'_ Damian wants to point out the fact that Father is a bachelor himself, when Tim produces a WE iPad and opens up the gallery. 'I've chosen and narrowed down a few individuals for you. There are about 20 men and 20 women in this folder. . . ' 

Tim then proceeded to list every single one of them.  _In front of Father._

Father looked uninterestedly at the iPad before going back to his meal. But his brothers, those  _assholes,_ had poked him into joining the discussion until Damian couldn't take it anymore. It was a "spur of the moment" thing, Damian swore, but he was so  _done_ with everyone else trying to pair him up with someone he'd upped and shouted: 'I'll marry the first person I see, I  _swear.'_  Damian then stormed off, ignoring the Unholy Trinity that desperately tried to catch up with him and Father being stumped. 

He flung the door of the restaurant open, not realising he had hit someone with the door until he heard a sharp cry of pain.

'I'm - ' Damian dropped to the floor, trying to apologise when the stranger blurted out, 'I'm so sorry! I wasn't looking at where I was headed! Oh my God, are you injured?' Damian's jaw went slack, and he stared at the boy in front of him, nose red and bloody, blue eyes bright with worry and panic, hair black and messy and  _so fluffy._

_'Marry me.'_

+

So, Damian learns, when you hit someone with a cherry wood door, and they're suffering a nosebleed,  _you do not propose to them, Damian Wayne._

'I'm sorry?' The boy squeaks, his nose is pouring blood now, but Damian could only focus on his eyes, and the fact that the boy possessed a very  _nice_ collarbone and waist.  _'Damian!'_ Dick's voice broke him out of his spell, and Damian pulls his handkerchief out of his pocket and presses it against the boy's bloodied nose. 'I'm Damian Wayne,' he rushes out, and the boy smiles like he's seen the sun, confusion forgotten, 'my name's Jon Kent!'

'Oh my God, Damian, what did you _do?'_ He hears Dick chastise, and Tim snickers. 'I'm really sorry I was in your way!' Jon wheezes again, and Damian looks back to him in shock. 'Why're  _you_ sorry? I-  _I_ was the one who hit you with the door?' Jon flushes red, apologises once more and Damian is just about 300% done with him as well. He lifts the both of them up, ignoring Todd's  _"did I hear you propose to him just now?"_ in favour of cleaning Jon's face properly. 

Oh, what a sight it must have been! The third in line to Wayne Enterprises and second in line to his grandfather's throne, blood son of Bruce Wayne and Talia Al'Ghul, Damian Wayne, helping a stranger with his nosebleed. And the fact that said stranger was about an inch or three taller than him made it worse. Damian ignores Jon when he says he can clean up himself, 'it was my mistake, I shall be the one responsible. Grayson, inform Father that I would bring Mr Kent home for Alfred to check up on him first. I shall see you at home.'

He promptly drags Jon towards his bike, leaving Grayson to deal with Father.

'Are you sure I'm not bothering you? You look really busy, uhm, Damian.' _God help me, he's so cute._ 'Nonsense, Jon. I was about done with those meddling fools. You've saved me from them, I should be thanking you.' The rest of the ride back to the manor was filled with silence, with Jon sniffling every few moments to clear his nose.

When they've arrived at the Manor, Jon struggled against Damian's grip to be led to Alfred. 'What's wrong?' Jon gulps, blue eyes fearful as he flits between the entrance of the Manor and Damian. 'I, uhm, it's actually okay? I mean, there's no need-  _Damian!'_ Damian drags Jon into the Manor, calling for Alfred once he reaches the lounge. 'Master Damian?' Alfred walks in, takes one look at Jon, and walks over the china cabinet and pulls a first aid kit out. Damian breathes a sigh of relief when Alfred successfully gets Jon to stop leaking blood onto the carpet. Alfred is about to leave with the bloody handkerchief when Jon snatches it from him. 'I'll bring it home and wash rit and return it to you,' Damian frowns, 'but I could have it washed her- '

'I troubled you! It's the least I could do!'

'Bu- ' A steely glare from Jon and Damian stops himself, 'fine,' he relents. 'Thank you, Pennyworth.' Alfred gives him an all-knowing smile, and disappears out the door. Damian was about to apologise for hitting Jon again, when his brothers crash into the lounge, with Father in tow. 

Drake gives a wicked grin, and unleashes Damian's punishment, 'you'll have to uphold your oath, Demon Brat.' Damian snorts, rolling his eyes, and he turns towards Jon. He drops to his knees, and asks once more. 

'Will you marry me?' 

Jon all but shrieks and runs for the mantle. 

+

'Wait a minute, is that you, Mr Tim?' 

'Huh? Wait,  _Jon?!'_

'You guys know each other?'

'He's my boyfriend's  _younger brother,_ Todd!' 

'. . . Unbelievable.'

'So, are we holding a double marriage?' 

 

* * *

 

 

Jon doesn't know what to do. He's just been proposed to by a very handsome stranger who happens to be his brother's boyfriend's youngest brother. 

So here he was, atop Tim, like a cat stuck on a tree. 'Jon, please, get off of my brother,' a distressed man pleads, and Tim laughs, saying "Dick, calm down, he always does this with my boyfriend whenever he gets scared". 'Why the hell is he scared?' Another man snorts, his leather jacket is thrown to a side as he approaches the both of them. Jon wished Kon or Dad was here, he shouldn't have taken that route to get to the post office!

'Jon, c'mon buddy. Nobody's gonna attack you or anything.' Tim assures, but Jon points to the leather wearing man, 'he seems pretty keen, Mr Tim.' Damian snorts and leans against the couches, green eyes amused. Eventually, he does get off Tim, and is immediately snatched away by Damian. 'Please do marry me, I have made an oath to marry the first person I meet after I exited the restaurant. That happened to be you.' Damian gives him a small smile, and Jon feels his knees go weak. 

'Yes?'

**Author's Note:**

> so that happened. and this is also a series. 
> 
> uhm.


End file.
